Darkness Breaks

I stand lonely in a crowd,
While despair invades my heart,
Wearing darkness like a shroud,
Nothing but my pain can part.


No earthly thing can make me whole.
Friends they help me not at all.
Only I can take control,
Fixing a most fatal flaw.


I press the blade into my skin,
Warm red blood begins to leak.
Sweet relief sets slowly in,
As joyous tears course down my cheeks.


Harder now I pull the knife,
Deeper are the cuts I make.
Gently seeps away my strife,
Until my hands begin to shake.


Evidence I wipe away,
With a cloth of peerless white.
But the scars they choose to stay,
Jagged proof of guiding light.


Past myself I now can see,
Blesse`d is my short reprise.
Suffering has set me free.
The darkness breaks before my eyes.

A Story

I was perusing through one of my older journals and found a short story that I wrote about two years ago. As I read through it I thought to myself, " Well, this isn't too terribly depressing." and came to the conclusion that I should share it with you if to do nothing more than prove that I can write something that's not angsty.
Since it is written in a journal and not my computer I'm going to just post a few paragraphs at a time. I'll have it all up in three days at the most since as I type it I'm trying to improve on it. Trust me when I tell you that it could sorely do with improvements.
So, I give to you a story written badly, yet happily of a knight and a dragon.

The faint red glow of the setting sun sifted between the canopy of leaves that surrounded a small stream. Looking decidedly out of place in such a peaceful setting there knelt a man in bulky metal armor drinking fro his cupped hands as his dapple gray horse nibbled at the foliage of a nearby tree. He finished his drink and splashed water on his pleasantly square face and knuckled at his eyes, trying to rub away the fatigue that came from a week of non-stop riding. ‘Where is that blasted dragon?!”, he thought scathingly. It had Taken three long days to pick up the trail and two more days of constant galloping to follow it back to here. A remarkably large and soothingly humid forest after the long trip across the Aledita Plains, where rain was either non-existent or pouring down in tub fulls trying to drown you. He noted that this was not what people pictured when they thought of a large green-black house sized dragon, but to each his own. He sighed and braced his hands on either side of him, grunting with the effort it took to lift himself plus several stones of tarnished metal. His grey eyes glanced up at the sky as he felt the last bit of light filter over the horizon and give way to the eerily bright moon. As he began to unburden his gelding he thanked any listening spirits that he wouldn’t have to stumble around in inky darkness to lay out his equipment. He lifted down several small saddle bags, half a dozen long leather wrapped lengths, and a large bag made of a rubbery gray material. Lastly he unbuckled a simple but deadly looking broad sword made solely for the purpose of hacking and slashing flesh and bone.
The packets, when opened, contained an assortment of talismans, glittering metal tools, dusts, and flat rectangular rocks. He took care to keep all the contents safely parted. Recalling the last time he had accidentely let the rocks touch the dust he gingerly rubbed his fullly regrown eyebtrows. An hour was spent orgainizing his belongings and gazing at the forest thoughtfully. The terrain was fairly flat, but he would have to avoid the trees where the were overly dense. He had marked out their spots earlier. There was two worrisome spots. One to the south ant the other to the south-east where he assumed that the dragon was keeping the young monarch captive.
That was the reason he was keeping him here after all. No one in their sane mind would hunt down a dragon unless there had been a kidnapping of some sort. This kidnapping had been widely publisized though. It had been the current Prince of Hatia that had been taken. Not just a farm lad, but a full blown prince. The king was paying, strangely enough, a king's ransom for the return of his snotty nosed brat.
When the abduction had occurred there had been a rallying of veterans and military men, and women, of every village to attempt Jaref's rescue. They had all ran off to either the western dessert or the northern mountains in hopes of picking up the trail. Only on eman had thought to look in a lace were it was pleasant and full of easy game.
He snorted with derision. Reall, why in the name of Rewyn would a dragon choose a dessert over an ice forest? With a shrug of his broad shoulders he continued his preperations. The thoughtlessness of the others would just make his task easier and he wouldn't have to share the reward. His thought automatically corrected him and he smiled, the crow's feet at the corners of his eyes crinkling merrily. There was one person he would share with, but he didn't mind The...errr...person was a critical part of his workin glife after all.

The Crush (Rough Draft)


.
As my eyes alight on your face, oh so fair,
I stare at you as long as I dare.
These feelings inside my breast go unheaded.
You will never know how much your love is needed.
Heartache, it's true, can cause agony great
.
But is seems that pain is my fate.

If even once my lips have you seen,
Surely, you from my countenance could glean,
That I yearn for you like sky for stars.
I worship you, my love, from afar.
But you glance right past my unspeakable pain,
Which explains why my tears pour forth much like rain.
Courage has waned, fortitude long gone.

My heart has been played like an unfortunate pawn.
Thank you knife for your intervention.
Mostly the cutting of my arterial extensions.
Ah, but alas, I see him right now.
Over my gaping wounds he does bow.

His eyes luminous with unshed tears,
Finally put to rest my desperate fears.
"Why did you do this? Didn't you know?
I love you so much," as he tries to staunch the flow.
Hope leaps up from my slowing heart,
This wasn't a longing which only I was part!

He puts his warm hand in mine.
Swears to me that all will be fine.
Oh no, I'm afraid jis confession comes too late.
He graces my lips with a kiss, sweet and chaste.
His tears join my life's blood on the floor
.
Love is fullfilled, but the recepient is no more.

Condemned Soil


Oh the fruits of our labours abound,
When that glorious trumpet does sound.
Christ will come and deliver us all,
The righteous will rise while sinners fall
.The Earth will become a fiery hell,
Where Satan, sinners, and damned souls dwell.
But faithful believers do not fear,
Not one of you must agonize there.
Yet there is a truth we all must face.
One day Earth will be a tortured place.
All of our strain, tears, blood, sweat, and toil,
Are being wasted on condemned soil.

Here You Are Staying



So here I stand thinking you dead,
And there you are with a hole in your head.
I can't believe what I have done,
I stare at your blood and then at the gun,
I sit down and hold your hand wishing you weren't gone,
But I feel no regret for the deed that's been done,
It was the only way to keep you from straying.
I needed you here and here you are staying.
Was the other worth it? Was she more than me?
Or was it just the lust to finally be free?
Of our love, our trust, and our happiness?

I gaze at the gun and then at the shell,
Just one little shot and all will be well.
I look at your hand, it's long been cold.
Your blood has clotted and your face looks so old.
I can see the surprise and the fear written there,
Teh unspoken statement of "You wouldn't dare."
Well, I dared and I did and would do it again,
To keep you from committin the unspeakable sin.

What made you think that I wouldn't figure it out?
I could taste her on you rlips nad smell her in your hair.
How much did you do:What all did you share?
Did it make you feel better to hold her tight,
Then kissing my lips like it was all alright?
I must not forget to mention the other,
That woman of deciet, your mysterious lover.
I didn't forget her or her misdeeds.
She tried to escape, tried to plead,
But I tied her up and weighted her down.
I pushed her into her own pool.
Where I assumed that she drowned.

Now that leaves me and my unfortunate fate.
What will I do withou tmy lover and mate?
There's n o reason to go on,laugh, or smile.
No reason to live since nothing's worthwhile,
But I need to leave something behind.
So no on will make a mistake just like mine.
So I pull out a pencil and write a few lines.

"Life is unforgiving and love is unreal,
Don't trust your feelings, they can drive yo uto kill.
Everyone's lying and trying to decieve.
No one takes out time to believe.
Now take time to consider my last words.
Words that are written,
But will never be heard."

Left Behind


I'm so Broken by what you've done.
How could you just up and run?
All I needed was someone to care.
All I wanted was for someone to be there,
But when my soul was bleeding,
And my heart had stopped beating .
No comfort could I find,
For you had left me behind.

"Single Little Life"


A single little rose bud by a big lonely house,
Waiting to grow and shine.
A single little girl in a big cruel world,
Waiting to for the time to die.
A single little bullet in a new shiny gun,
Waiting to find it's mark.
Now there's a pretty red rose that shines and glows,
On a lonely little coffin of a dead little girl,
Surrounded by her family and friends.
So she wasn't really alone,
And she died much too soon,
And all the big tears are too late.

Moving

My Beloved Readers,

This is the new home of my collected works of prose and poetry. I have moved my angsty works from 'The Ragged Bookshelf' to 'The Dusty Tome of Angst'. I appreciate all who read my pomes...peoms...peonies..poems!